Stephanie's Journey

My journey starts exactly the same as Shannon's! Imagine that! However, I did decided to leave that path and forge a new one, starting with the expulsion from the house of my parents, in 1995. I left home, because my new, emerging lifestyle choices did not fit within the parental boundaries! And now that I am a parent, I completely understand why! Guess what?? My parents were RIGHT, about almost everything!! This new found freedom, before I had even graduated high school, led very quickly to a serious lack of freedom; that which is inaugurated by becoming a parent. Within three months of moving out of my parents loving home, I found myself pregnant with my first child. Surely, abortion was the first thought in my mind. I was shocked ( let me now emphasize my extreme sense of invincibility, for the act I was engaging in is exactly the way children are conceived!!) Raised in a fairly conservative Christian household, coming from a long line of conservative, republican lineage, I had learnt why abortion would not be an option for me. We took a trip to march under the Washington monument, in D.C., advocating for the unborn, supporting the pro-life movement. It all made perfect sense to me. Plus, the images of those aborted babies in the trash would not leave my mind( I now have a different view of abortion and still wrestle with what I learned as a child and what I have heard, with my heart and soul from those who did choose this, there is no condemnation. I am not pro-choice or pro-life, rather pro-support, pro-non-judgment, pro-compassion). I did look into adoption, just so I could claim responsibly checking out all of my options. In my heart, however, I knew that this baby was mine to keep. Then, I faced the stark, sobering reality......I was going to be a mother. A teenage, unwed mother. My entire family would know that I had decided to have sex before I was married! This was almost more painful than the thought of ending my fun and straightening up, oh and mothering a child! Though I had tested the limits before, in increasingly bold and foolish risks, this was surely the cherry, and the beginning of the rest of my life. I should have guessed then, my choices would continue to be unconventional and against the grain. Surely, this is exactly what cascaded, as my mothering journey took me deeper and deeper into the dark spiraling center of my soul. One thing I can claim is the constant opportunity for growth and transformation this journey has bestowed upon me. I often wonder how it is that I was lucky enough to wake up and unplug from the matrix. I often wonder if I had a little angelic help, perhaps someone who was looking out for me did the actual unplugging. Not sure. But I am so grateful! Don't get me wrong, it has been a very difficult path, riddled with traps and temptation to close my eyes, pretend to be asleep and hop back onto easy street. The more I learn, the more I seek, the less of a possibility that is for me. So here I am, with my beloved Sister, treading lightly and sometimes quite heavily down the mothering road. I am so glad we are on this path together!! I am proud to say, I am growing less and less afraid of the dark! There's something to that old song, " This little light of mine".