Hustle and Bustle

As the Christmas is quickly approaching my sister and I are feeling the stress that comes a long with the preparations for this next week. My whole family is traveling east to Colorado for a "White Christmas"... HA HA! It hasn't snowed here in a long time, but I'm crossing my fingers! We have slacked on the blogging this past week because we are all over the place. I am trying to get my house in order, wrap presents, get it clean and tidy before 6 other people come into my house and "mess" it up :) My sister has been busy with work, school holiday parties, holiday plays plus trying to locate all of her family's winter gear for the trek to Colorado. From our hearts we are truly sorry to the people that follow our blog...which still blows are minds that anyone is reading what we post :) Thank you all !!

My sister's family arrives tomorrow and my parents the day after that. It's so exciting to have the whole family together again, we get to see each other twice a year, but this summer we were unable to see them. I haven't seem my sweet nephews for one whole year!! If only money grew on trees :) While my sister is here, we plan to sit down and blog, blog, blog away! We will catch up from the weeks we missed.

Just to give you an idea of how crazy life is..it has taken me two days to try to get this post done. I can't seem to finish it. I will post this today damn it! I will!! My mind can't seem to turn off. There are constant lists being made in my head, when one lists is complete the next one starts. I sit in bed, exhausted trying to fall a sleep, but I can't stop thinking. My energy is slowly running out, my poor kids feel the stress seeping right off me. They too are stressing out. UGH.. If only I were the type of person that could just sit back and take a deep breath. Enjoy the life I have been given, the moment I am in, embrace the obstacles and the hurdles... That is the person I am striving to become!

May this Christmas season bring you clarity, love and warmth! God bless each and every one of you and your families. Amongst the hustle and bustle this consumer culture wraps us up in may you be able to see what this season is about!

Frugal Friday

I am so sorry I am so lame! I keep forgetting to post come cool websites on Friday's. So here are some great deals to look at!

Klean Kanteen Sale: Type in Klean Kanteen in the search and you'll find a couple awesome deals
EDEN HOME



Sierra Trading Post! 20% on whole order over 100.00. Also if you become friends with them on facebook you get a coupon code for 20% off.
SIERRA TRADING POST

Not A Mothers Job!

Last night was my second night "night weaning" Phoenix. I am praying tonight goes a little smoother then the past two nights. The first night I had Dan take Grey into her room to sleep and I stuck it out with Nix. I really didn't know what my expectations were going into this new venture, but I knew I was not excited. The night began with me nursing him to sleep like normal, I'm not wiling to give that one up. I couldn't sleep in anticipation of what the night was going to bring me. I returned to the room to lay down at midnight. The moment my body touched the sheets Nix started to move around. Either this kid has the worst timing or this boy can smell mama milk 10 feet away. It was like he knew his mama was there. I watched him roll around while talking in his sleep. Five minutes later he started smacking his lips...I knew it was going to be just a little bit longer before the question.

Sitting up, Phoenix looked around for his me. Our eyes locked and he asked for mama milk. I let him know that milky's were sleeping. Never hearing that before he crawled over to me and asked again. I said "no mama milky's, they are sleeping." he started to cry, tugging at my shirt "mama milky's", he said louder and more demanding. I stayed strong. I got up and changed his diaper then rocked him while I softly sang into his sweet little ear. He didn't like that too much. Still crying I let him know everything was going to be ok. 20 mintutes passed and my back was killing me. At this time he had placed his head on my shoulder, his body slowly went limp. I thought we were good, I could put him back down. I was thinking to myself that "if this is the hard part I can totally do it!" I got on the bed and started rocking him again. Slowly I placed him down...he woke up and started screaming "mama milk." CRAP! I could't hold him anymore because my back, so I laid next to him telling him "mama's here, you're going to be ok."

Nothing I did seemed to help or calm him down. I tried to rub his back, pet his little head, everything..."mama NO." All he wanted was milk. An hour went by and I was slowly loosing it. My mama heart was already broken and I wanted to swoop in and save him! "Screw this, I can totally be sleep deprived for a couple more years..I will just pray more that I can keep it together." There were noises coming from that boy I never heard before. I thought something was seriously wrong. I scooted him closer and stuck my boob in his mouth. I couldn't take it anymore. The look on his face while nursing, there are no words. He seemed so content, experiencing true bliss and comfort. He woke up a couple times after that and I was able to just put him to sleep.

Last night, the second try...I told Dan that he could sleep with Phoenix, but I changed my mind last minute. Seeing your baby cry is easier then hearing your baby cry. Dan was willing and able to take the next shift, I just couldn't traumatize Nix anymore then I feel like I have. When he wakes up and wants mama milk, knowing he wasn't going to get it, but on top of it his mama isn't there...I couldn't. I got a cup of coconut milk on hand to offer it to him, substituting it for mama milk. I got this idea from my sweet friend Hayke who did that with both her babies. She would tell them they couldn't have mama milk, but that she would hold them while they drank tea or almond milk. I figured "why not" I would give it a try.

The night started like the night before, I nursed Phoenix to sleep. Instead of sleeping on the other side of the bed, I slept right were I always sleep, right next to him. Nix only woke up two times between 8:30p to 5:45a. He asked for mama milk and before I could say anything he fell back to sleep. 5:45a he woke up asking for it, I said "mama milk is sleeping." He was not happy and the crying began. I guess he was really loud because 10 minutes later Dan came in asking if he could take over. I sat there with Nix "hyper ventalating", I looked at Dan and said.."it's technically morning, I told him he could have some in the morning...I can nurse him..right?" Dan agreed and he went back to bed. I nurseed my little munch and he was happy.

Am I doing this the right way? I have no idea what I'm doing, but this is all I can do right now. I am not one to let my baby cry it out, putting himself in a state of depression because he feels abandoned. Is this hard for me....you bet your ass it is! I will keep going, I don't like it, but I'll keep going! I believe with all my heart this is NOT A JOB FOR A MOTHER!! My heart aches every time and it's the hardest thing to do, watching your baby, listening to the sweet voice asking for one thing and one thing only..then not giving it to him. UGH!! Where is that "daddy coat" when I need it? :). Thanks for all the encouraging words and prayers.

Family Bed Once More?

Over the years, we have always had an open bed policy. If you feel scared, are sick or just need a safe, quiet place to be, hop in! Our children have always had their own beds and room. The boys have shared a room up until recently. It was clear our teen son (13) needed some private space of his own. He never hops into bed with us now, beside that rare weekend morning that summons him up the stairs to say good morning to his folks. We now share the converted attic with our 9 year old. We decided on this because of a new need that appeared. As I read the book Encountering the Self by Hermon Koepke, I began to understand more clearly what my child was entering. A whole new level of being, of understanding. This can be scary. All of a sudden the veil is lifted and life appears in all of it's glory and mystery to young eyes. Sometimes these eyes wish they could stay shut. This makes sense to me. Often I don't like what I see either! How many times have I wished I could just go back to sleep, metaphorically. I actually read this book when my oldest was nine. Around ages 8-10 is when this shift typically begins to occur. Children may start to try out more rebellious behavior or may struggle to cooperate. They may begin having social challenges at school and at home. They may begin to feel afraid, of seemingly nothing or everything. They may complain of belly or head aches or other pains in their bodies. It starts to feel like backward motion. I remember thinking, "I thought we were done with this crap!!" But alas, crap it is not! It is a very important right of passage. These children need us more than ever to provide firm yet loving boundaries and guidance. They need to feel we understand. They need our compassion. And they thrive on oral story telling. Often, Colbey will ask for a naughty story from my own childhood. These I find amply, and re-tell them and sometimes add or subtract depending on the issue Colbey seems to be struggling with most. These stories live in him long past the time they are told. I can see them midwifing, supporting and helping his growth. These stories ease the intensity of his experience, or at least they seem to.

So back to the need that initiated this room change. Colbey began to feel scared and wake every night wanting to come into bed with us. So, we set his space up across the way from us. We both have our own spaces. We can't see one another from our rooms, well at least not clearly, so it does feel like there is some privacy. I sit on my bed and read or knit whilst Colbey falls asleep. Then, in the middle of the night, when the call comes " mama, can i come into your bed", the answer is easy. YES! He trit trots over and jumps in. Usually just for the wee morning hours.

I feel happy that our bed can be so flexible. It can open and shut and open up again, if we need. I feel so good knowing what Colbey is going through. I understand where he is at, developmentally speaking, and I know right now is an intensive, temporary time. The needs of our boys will continue to exist and evolve as they grow. I think, just like the birth process, it is helpful to remember that we can do anything for a temporary period of time, no matter the challenge, the pain, or the physical exhaustion. Am I worried that I will have two 20 something boys sleeping in beg with my husband and I? Nope. I mean, really? We don't see many healthy human adults still wearing diapers. Eventually, these things end. It is no easy task taking this route. It means educating ones self, making sacrifices, and doing things you don't feel like doing! But in the end, I really believe it is worth it. My two boys are all the proof I need.

The key to this program is to figure out how to get self care in! It is really the only way to survive!! Perhaps this will be the topic I talk about next!

Do any readers have any experience with an extended family bed? Are there readers who are done raising their children who could speak to the end results of family bed? We'd love to hear from you!!

So family bed once again, looks that way! This time, minus the nursing!! Makes a big difference!!

Blessings and encouragement,
Stephanie

Herb and Garlic Pizza Dough

We have used this recipe many times since finding this great cook book, Feeding the Whole Family by Cynthia Lair. This dough can be used for a variety of savory dishes and was originally the recipe of vegetarian chef, Jim Watkins. When Colbey was small this was his favorite dinner to help prep, and even though he's now " big " I think it's still up there on his radar of enjoyment! Have fun and enjoy this fun to make and eat family pizza.

1 Tbs yeast
1 cup luke warm water
1 Tbs honey
1 Tbs fresh rosemary
12-15 fresh oregano leaves
1 Tbs fresh thyme leaves
3-4 cloves of garlic
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 Tbs extra virgin olive oil
1 1/2 cups whole wheat pastry flour
1 cup unbleached white flour

To make the Dough

Combine yeast, 1/2 of the warm water, and honey in a large mixing bowl. Gently stir, then set aside. Let rest for 10 min while yeast comes to life. ( it was always fun for Colbey to watch for the bubbles the awakening yeast creates, this was how he knew it was alive!)
Chop rosemary, oregano, thyme and garlic together until very fine. Add herbs, garlic, salt, oil and remaining water to yeast mixture. Add a little flour at a time. Mix together with a spoon until it becomes too hard to stir. Then transfer to a floured surface and knead until smooth (10-12 min). Add more flour to surface when needed to keep dough from sticking. Place dough in an oiled bowl. Cover and let rest 30 min.

To make Pizza

Preheat oven to 350. Roll dough out to desired shape. Prebake 10-12 min. Remove from oven. Raise oven temp to 450. Cover pizza crust with desired toppings and bake 10-12 min.

prep time: 30 min for dough 25min to finish pizza
makes dough for one 15-inch pizza

Family Bed....No More?

My son woke me up for the 6th time last night.. "mama milk, please." I let him know milky's were sleeping he wailed, "mama milkey's please." I felt like I was going to loose my mind. My daughter tossing and turing while trying to sleep through the loud noises coming from her brother...I stuck a boob in his mouth. I felt horrible that my daughter wasn't getting the right kind of sleep she needed b/c of her brother. Normally my husband takes Grey into the spare room, aka her bedroom while I sleep with Phoenix, but last night Dan worked early and I had both kids. I yelled at Phoenix a couple times before my daughter turned and interjected,"take a deep breath mama, it's going to be okay." I felt like such a horrible, crazy mother once again, I constantly feel that way these days. What should I do? I believe in the family bed. We have had the family bed since Grey was born. I want to do the right thing, but this can't be good. A mama who extremely tired b/c of the lack of sleep plus dealing with cranky kids b/c they are not getting the sleep they need. I was wedged between the two kids and if I moved even one finger Phoenix would turn around and want more milk and I couldn't handle that. My nipples, raw and ready to fall off, I just sat there thinking.."I feel hopeless right now."

I love being with my kids, I love nursing, but I can't do this 6-12 time nursing at night anymore. After I got out of bed today I decided I am done!! I can't do the family bed anymore. Really it's just I can't nurse all night anymore, but with that comes the rerouting of the family bed. Right now we have a king and a queen bed put together to make one giant bed. After I night wean Phoenix I plan to take the queen out and buy a trundle bed for the kids and they can sleep there. I love the thought of the whole family together, I just need some space and sleep! Once both can sleep through the night, I would like to introduce a trundle bed for the two of them in our room. Is this going to work? I don't know, but if I don't change something in my life I am going to looooooosssseeee my mind! Quick change is what I want! I hate transitions, I loathed the work involved in changing one's life..it's HARD!! I don't have family here, it seems like my husband works non stop so once again it comes down to me..I have to make this change by myself and it's going to suck!

The reason why I haven't tried to make this shift in our lives is that I am so tapped out I don't feel like I have the energy to have a couple bad nights to night wean my son. They say it only takes a couple nights...knowing my luck that won't happen. My daughter weaned herself when she was around 2 1/2 years old. Grey never nursed as much as Phoenix, maybe b/c I was pregnant and my milk supply wasn't really there, maybe Nix just likes BOOBS :) From my mother to my chiropractor sleep seems to be the common demoninator "preached" to me. The lack of sleep is why I have headaches, is why I have anexity, is why I am on edge all the time, sleep..seems to be the answer to all my "problems", I should say lack there of. I am tapped out b/c I don't get enough sleep so what the hell am I thinking? Why is it so hard for me to make this next step? This is going to benefit the whole family and I can't seem to pick my feet up and do it!

My babies are growing up, the thought of them sleeping alone or not needing me makes me sad. There are no more babies in the Johnson future so this is it. NO MORE NURSING after Phoenix. This is a sick and twisted way of thinking, but it's where I am. I want so badly to listen to every thing and everyone around me pushing me to reflect on this situation and make my move. I am afraid of doing it all alone. I feel like everything comes down to me and I am tired of that too! I want support and help! I sometimes just want to hang up the mothering coat and put on the daddy coat!1 The daddy coat seams to be a little more fun, a little easier and the daddy coat looks well rested!!

Today is the day though, I think I am going to take that plunge! I am going to night wean my baby boy and see what happens. My husband has the next three days off and this is the time! "Take a deep breath mama,everything will be okay." It's amazing what profound advice can be given from a 3 year old!

A LITTLE YUMMINESS!

CINNAMON SPICED GRANOLA

MAKE ABOUT 5 CUPS

3 Cups rolled oats
1 Cup coarsely chopped walnuts
1 Cup coarsely copped almonds
1 Tablespoon cinnamon
1/2 Teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 Teaspoon cloves
1/4 Teaspoon ginger
1/4 Teaspoon sea salt
1/2 Cup maple syrup
1/2 Cup melted coconut oil or 1/4 Cup apple juice+ 1/4 Cup coconut oi
1 Teaspoon vanilla

Optional Additions:
chopped dried apple
raisins
dried cranberries
dried cherries
shredded coconut
sunflower seeds
pumpkin seeds

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Place the rolled oats, chopped nuts, and spices into a medium-sized bowl. Mix well.

2. Add the maple syrup, melted coconut oil and vanilla to the oat mixture. Toss together using two spoons. Add shredded coconut and any seed if desired, toss again.

3. Spread mixture onto a large cookie sheet and place in the oven. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes, turning occasionally with a spatula.

4. Remove from oven and stir in any dried fruit if desired. Let cool completely before transferring to a large glass jar.

My children gobbled this one up on the way up to the mountains! They were also able to help make it so it made it even more special! I got this one from The Whole LIfe Nutrition Cookbook, like I get most of my recipes!