Life in the Fast Lane!

Just kissed the boys ( at least in my heart and mind, because both of them are now too old to be kissed in front of other people, I have been informed.) out the door. Carpool whisked them off to another busy school day. So the day begins for me as well. Because of my sweet and lovely neighbor and fellow Mama, a few mornings per week I can stay in the warmth of my house and reclaim a little time. Which is why I chose to sit here, this morning. I was going to journal, but decided maybe I should show up here every once in a while for a visit. Over the river and sort of through the woods, well okay, through the park in which some evergreen have been spared, my boys go. I am left here to reflect. I opened an email from a green living yahoo group. The group was talking about homeschooling and bed time. Post after post spoke of the joy of listening to the natural rhythms of the body, allowing their children to wake in the morning when they are ready, rather than being woken. This is one thing I have always hated about sending my children to school vs. keeping them home.

In our early days, keeping them home seemed natural and easy. In practice, it was mostly so. There were challenging times, but more often, there were times of freedom and joy. I miss those times. The best part was that it did feel like a space of honoring each child's individuality and uniqueness. Of course, it was mostly one on one. I could intuit what and when needed to happen for my boy. When he needed to get outside, or eat, or pee! He felt he could do all of these things as he needed to. We were in nature quite a lot. Not only moving our bodies, but breathing fresh air and visiting with plants and animals, enjoying the sense of awe and joy that brings.

We do less of that now. Breathing deeply now, I sigh. We live in the city. A great city! Probably one of the best to live in. But it is a city. Why does it seem to have this magnetic pull on me, keeping me from the nearby oceans, rivers, streams and forests? I recently watched a short clip on youtube about a self sustainable family, living in the country, in a beautiful little cottage they had built. This sweet little place was complete with cob walls and a luxury composting toilet. It was amazing. What brought the couple together, was the interest in finding a bit of land to keep sheep. The house was actually really quite beautiful, not a shack by any means. Though it was rustic and environmentally sound, there was a beauty unmatched by any city home. They were off grid. What a concept. I swear, it was like the sun was shining all around this family. They themselves were gleaming. This reminded me of my heart"s longing. Part of me is also attracted to city life; the shops, the culture, the night life, the coffee shops and natural food stores, galore. The eco-boutiques and bike shops and book stores and libraries and spas and food and Ruby Jewel Ice Cream shop. But it feels a little hollow.

Bringing me back to the start; waking the boys up in the morning to begin the mini rat race. The preparation for entering the hustle and bustle begins. I think of the things my boys are working with. Sitting in classes they don't always enjoy. Being inside more than out. Wishing they had all of the latest technological gadgets. Comparing and measuring themselves to their peers. Feeling like they come up short in some areas and being told so. Is this just what school is like? Is it part of the needed conditioning? Or not? I just wonder and ponder. I think we have chosen the best educational philosophy for our family. I am extremely grateful for the option of Waldorf education. I think it caters to educating the whole child and seeks to foster a balanced child into young adulthood. However, there is still that yearning to break free from this structure. It is not structure I want to be free of. In fact, I see tremendous benefit in form. But this waking your children thing really made me turn a bit introspective.

I was actually going to write this morning about gratitude, and so I think I will. Even though I may not be in a little cob house that is so friendly to me and Mama Earth, though I am not free to travel and explore and learn with my children at any given, spontaneous moment, I do not have sheep or land or unlimited time with my children and family, I am grateful. I watched out the window last night as my boys jumped rope. Colbey's teacher assigned this for homework ( smart lady) and it brought my boys together in a moment of joy, leading myself to a moment of joy. My sweet Colbey is connecting with a new boy in his class. His mother is very kind! Most of all, Colbey feels he can be himself and has fun with him. Christian is blossoming into a fine young man, who is still loving and kind and communicative and mostly respectful, and funny! I have a warm little house, with chickens and I am going to walk to the co-op to get some parsley for my soup in a moment. I can hear a bird singing and I saw some snowdrops blooming down the street. My husband has a job. I have a wonderful job working with the most lovely people. I get to be with small children every day, inviting me to continually seek my highest, most loving self, bringing me to laughter, almost constantly. I am able to see my boys through out the day by working at their school. We live 10 min from a Waldorf school. We can always pull hard against this magnetic field of a city and decide to visit nature more often and need to. And we can. It is accessible. The grandfather and grandmother guardian evergreens that stand watch through out this city are magnificent and a gift. So there, a meander down Stephanie lane, the musing of a mother. I continue to really meditate on balance this year. I think it's my theme.

What's your theme right now? What old ways are you returning to and thinking about releasing during this full moon time?